The godfather of comedy in Nigeria, Alibaba, has narrated his unbearable experience at an Ijaw massage parlour.In a post on Instagram, the comedian said he took his cousin’s advice
to visit an Ijaw massage centre where he got the pummeling of his
life. In a lengthy caption, he detailed his experience.
He wrote: “That’s how I stupidly agreed to follow my cousin to
get a massage from an Ijaw man today. All my friends advised me against
it
. But hey! After all, my own cousin can’t wish me bad! Was I wrong?!!!
This wicked Ijaw man started by putting one boiling pot of life on my
stomach for 15mins… All the salad inside me from breakfast DONE! Then he
made me sit on another pot… That one heated me from under, I felt like
someone waiting for his election result. After some people will say they
don’t know what is destroying the ozone layer. If 9ice tries it, he
will become Alapokan!”
“Then the massage… See, That man is a winch. Nothing else. He
massaged me with all the power he could muster. He must have retired as a
washaman from an army barracks. To make matters worse, he was trying to
put elbows where God did not. He bent my hands sooooo backward I nearly
confessed I collected subsidies. He was not done. The monster now put
his knee to the back of my neck and (applied the kind of pressure Igbo
traders use to reduce three suitcases into one) then traced my spinal
cord from my neck to my waist. And he had the guts to ask why I farted.
If he sees me in that run down pigsty he calls clinic, he should call me
monkey. Old bagga! PMB Cancel Amnesty NOW!”
The ‘wicked’ cousin who introduced the comedian to the parlour was
not spared Alibaba’s angst. Who Wants To Be A Millionaire host, Frank
Edoho, was also called out for enjoying the comedian’s pain.
“As for my cousin, him own done set! I will do my own back. When
we left the place, to walk to the car, the sun was up… 11:36am. Everyone
else had a shadow. Except me. My shadow had left me during that
massage. I finally asked myself, who send me? PS: To everyone who finds
this note funny… May God arrange your own in double portion. Nothing wey
UNA no dey call joke. Winchzards! And to @frankedoho who just sat there
and was just laughing… You are not a friend.”
See photos from the massage parlour below:
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